“Dating is always kind of a crap shoot. You put yourself out there with all of your gorgeous flaws, and all of your prior experiences, and all of your expectations, and you see what happens.” [1]
“Dating when you have a disability is often a little scary and intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be so stressful.” [2]
“The stigma towards persons with disabilities greatly affects their love life. Some people consider them not deserving of love or incapable of dating. These perceptions offer a new frontier for discrimination and complicate love and relationships for Persons With Disabilities. However, just like Persons without disabilities, persons with disabilities are fully capable of being in love.” [3]
Some Dating Advice for People with Disabilities:
- “Pick an accessible meet-up place: As any experienced wheelchair user knows, getting around town may not be the easiest thing to do unless you have a wheelchair van. When you are meeting up with somebody for a date, we suggest choosing a comfortable location that you know can accommodate your needs. This helps focus your attention on getting to know your date, instead of struggling against potential environmental barriers.” [2]
- “Take your time to get to know someone—there is no rush on forming quality, healthy relationships.” [4]
- “Be confident – Remember that everyone has their own obstacles and limitations. No one is bringing perfection to the table, so focus on what you do bring.” [5]
- “Plan ahead for the occasion (for example, support staff, allergies and sensitivities).” [4]
- “Don’t focus on your disability: Being honest about your disability is important, but you’re more than just a disabled person. The brunt of your profile and first date should be about you (and your date); if your date is only interested in talking about your disability, then try steering the conversation toward more appropriate first-date subjects.” [2]
- “No” always means “No.” You have the right to refuse a date or any activities on a date if you do not want to participate or if the person has made you feel uncomfortable.” [4]
- “Communicate expectations clearly. Let your partner or date know what you expect from them and understand any expectations they may have for you.” [4]
For persons without disabilities dating persons with disabilities, you should always remember some things:
- “You are not doing them a favor: Due to the nature of disabilities, you may feel that your partner with a disability is not deserving of love. Consequently, you may feel you are doing them a favor by loving them. However, nothing is further from the truth. Persons with disabilities deserve true love and affection just like any other person. Their disability is just like other characteristics, the way some people are tall, others short, some dark, and others brown. They all deserve love.” [3]
- “Show active engagement in disability rights and awareness. If you don’t know what ableism is now, look it up. This is critical. Ableism is a daily struggle for disable people at grocery stores, auto shops, banks, workplaces and doctors’ offices. Sometimes, disable people wants to fight their own battles, speak for themselves and educate others. But other times, they are too tired, afraid or unprepared — and they need you/us to step up and help. Research, speak out, ask for guidance and be a real ally.” [6]
- “You will need to make some adjustments: Dating a person with disability comes with some challenges that require you to adjust for the relationship to work. For instance, if your partner has reduced mobility, you must make advance plans for dates to ensure that venues are accessible and friendly. It also means that you may not visit some places because of accessibility challenges. Nonetheless, if your partner is a person with disability, it should not be difficult for you to adjust to such adjustments.” [3]
- “You have an opportunity to change perceptions; use it. Dating a person with disability means, you have risen above the stigma and the myths surrounding their dating life. It also means that you do not care about people judging and resenting you for dating a person with disability. Dating a person with disability means that you are an advocate for persons with disabilities. It is an opportunity to create awareness about disabilities and demystify the related myths.” [3]
Unique date ideas for disabled singles
“Here are some interesting and distinct date ideas. We’ve kept them general so you’ll need to still check accessibility accommodations with venues beforehand:
- Picnics – Plan a short scenic hike to the picnic location or just drive right up to a nice spot with a view that’s already set up with tables.
- Museums and art galleries – A feast for the eyes is right up most people’s alley. Most larger venues also have great accessibility features.
- Concerts in the park – These tend to be less densely crowded – offering greater freedom of movement – and let you explore other activities nearby.
- Arcade bars – Combines the fun of sipping on cocktails and rediscovering those arcade games of childhood.
- Sports matches – These events take some of the pressure off of making conversation and cheering for the same team makes for quick bonding.” [5]
Disabled Dating Sites
- Whispers4U –has been around since 2002, and the website touts the ability to help “differently abled” people find love and support in a safe environment. – https://www.whispers4u.com/
- Dating4Disabled is a free, online dating site that allows users to meet, date and share resources with other people with disabilities. – https://www.dating4disabled.com/
- Special Bridge – is a private, family-owned and operated social community for people with disabilities that is slightly new to the online dating scene. – https://www.specialbridge.com/about-us/
- Disabled Passions – is a social networking community with more than just matchmaking services. – https://disabledpassions.com/
Last advice to everyone
“One of the most important things you can do is be your authentic self and communicate your needs and feelings towards the person when in a dating scenario. This will help keep the date fun, exciting and comfortable for both parties on the date. With these tips in mind, both people will feel respected. You may even get that after-date smooch—if the person that initiates it asks first!” [4]
Resources
[2] https://www.vantagemobility.com/blog/blogdating-tips-and-sites-for-people-with-disabilities/
[3] https://www.enableme.ke/en/article/5-things-to-remember-when-dating-a-pwd-9266
[5] https://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/dating-with-disabilities/
[6] https://medium.com/@emily_rj/10-things-to-know-before-dating-someone-with-a-disability-6bf6eb8ae196